Procrastination Mastery 101

I am sure many of you wish to know how to procrastinate more effectively, if you could be bothered to ask. Not to worry, I have been thinking about procrastination and thinking about sharing my hints for procrastination mastery for some time. Now that I have pen to paper it's probably a good time to tell you what I've been thinking while you've been thinking about asking about it.

I could entitle this article 'Three Ways to Effectively Procrastinate without Getting Out of Bed' but that's a lot to type. However, now that I have and you know what this is, perhaps you might find the time to read it at some point.

Let's say you've reached this sentence without checking your email or falling asleep. That's step one! You're already successful!

But let's try to focus on the here and now and make our plan to become Masters at Procrastination before getting out of bed.

Item One: Wake Up. Now I know this is difficult. I'm not saying you have to set an alarm clock or open the drapes so the sun blares in and possibly causes you to come to consciousness. Perhaps the thought of French toast or a nice cup of coffee or taking out the dog so it doesn't wee on the carpet will entice you. But let's just say that waking up at some point is a given. Good.

Now that you are awake, Item Two is to Put the Phone Down. Or, even better, Don't Pick up the Phone. No indeed. Take a moment to breathe. Just breathe without thinking about anything at all. (If you fall back asleep now, it's ok. This is pretty exhausting stuff.) Once you have finished breathing and perhaps have an eye open and have resolutely not Picked up the Phone, I want you to reach for a pen and a notepad. 

Yes, real paper. Now this next part should be easy as you don't have to do anything but just write down what you are thinking. Even if it's just 'I am writing this stupid thing I'm supposed to do instead of Picking Up my Phone.' The challenge is to write a page of what you are thinking while you are thinking it, without worrying about spelling or making sense or even being able to read it after. 

Item Three: Put the Notepad Down but Don't Pick up Your Phone. Yikes. You may struggle with this one. I can hear my brain yelling 'but I have to check my email and look at the news and read my Twitter and what about Facebook!' But this is where the Mastery part of this comes in, because if we are going to Procrastinate well, it means not giving into Temptation. No cute kitten videos. Not yet.

Now. Listen closely. I want you to list five things that you are grateful for on this fine I-didn't-even-have-my-coffee-yet morning. Any five things you like. Mine might be things like... a good cup of tea, shortbread cookies, the sound of birds outside my window, the fact that I don't need to get up yet, and ice cream with chocolate sauce. Your list might vary from day to day. That's ok. We go with the flow.

A bonus item, one that I am told starts your day off brilliantly, is, when you do actually slide out of bed, before you Pick up Your Phone and perhaps before you Look in the Mirror, is to tell yourself you love you. And mean it.

Try that every day for three months, and report back. We'll be waiting.