How do you talk to yourself?

I call myself the shysinger-songwriter and theshysinger and the shyvoice - there's probably many things I could put a 'shy' in front of because I lived it and I was it and I am it still in many ways. If there is one thing I could tell you about that which would help you if you are also shy, it's that it is possible to change. I found a way, and that's why I share my journey.

If you're here and reading this then perhaps the word 'shy' resonates with you. In some fashion, you identify yourself as being uncomfortable in social situations. Making 'small talk' feels like a damn 'big deal'. Seeing someone you know on the street makes you dash into a store hoping they didn't see you.  Yep.

I felt so awkward and stupid I avoided people as much as possible. Yet, at the same time, I yearned to connect. I'd sit in a corner at a party beside the potted plant trying to be invisible, and leave feeling miserable. Why didn't people like me? What is wrong with me? At the same time, I never gave them a chance.

I credit the study of singing for my emancipation from past programming and my transformation into a shy person who enjoys social interaction. But it's not the actual act of singing that made the difference. It was the journey to becoming a singer that did.

What do I mean by that?

In order to change anything, you first have to be aware of it. I'm sure you've heard people say that. It's a few words strung together in a sentence, but to live those words takes time and perseverance. There came a point in my singing journey where I decided it did not matter if I ever sang anywhere. I just felt deep inside that if I kept going, kept trying, kept working, one day, something would shift and I would move forward.

Because how you think when you are actively engaged in a creative endeavor makes a huge difference in your ability to perform, becoming aware of how you think is key to developing your artistic skill.

Over time I began to understand that because I thought so negatively, because I expected to fail or feared failing in the moment, I actually did what I didn't want to do because that's the thing on which I was focused. Big time.

When your brain is shouting "You're boring! You're boring!" at you when you are in the coffee room and someone has initiated a conversation with you, you choke up, you can't think of anything to say, you feel lame and awkward. Maybe you even - like I used to - stammer out your replies, hating yourself for how you feel and perhaps even hating them for making you feel like this (not their fault at all).

So, how do you change your thought process?

I really have to recommend something I started when I was reading Julia Cameron's 'The Artist's Way', and that's morning pages. Get yourself a big notebook, get up 20 minutes earlier, and write three pages of stream of consciousness... everything on your mind, just write and write without editing or stopping... if you can't think of anything to write, write about that. Do this every day for at least three months (and maybe forever). 

At first perhaps it will feel like nothing is happening. But after a while, you will see the things that you write about again and again. And you will see how you talk to yourself. What words you use. For me this is the first step in raising your consciousness, and the first step to becoming less shy.