singing in the rain

...I'm just sittin here surfin' the web and watchin that old movie, 'Singin in the Rain'. I had an outdoor gig this mornin' and I thought we might end up singin in the rain cause there were some pretty gray lookin clouds in the overcast sky and a cool breeze blowin. But it didn't rain and our sets were well received. It was the first pro gig for my folk trio (Easy).

Haven't felt too inspired musically this week - goin' thru one of my 'incubating' periods, I think :lol: But, I did send out two armfuls of promo packs to radio stations for the new album ( www.cdbaby.com/cd/flawith ), and rehearsed 3 times with the trio in prep for the gig. Had lunch with my mom yesterday, had coffee with a client earilier in the week.... after the gig today, went out for coffee with a couple of songwriting pals. I also spent some time writing/designing my newsletter for distribution (comin soon - sign up on my profile page), and redesigning my teaching website ( www.theshysinger.com ).... plus the usual teachin'.

I love these old movies, there's so much energy and excitement around puttin' on a show, and you get the feelin' that anything is possible, that everything will turn out okay in the end, that love at first sight can last a whole life long.

Sometimes I think that love has become such a commodity in our society that we've lost our innate knowledge of what it really is. Movies & magazines & tv shows trumpet on about romance and love but the vision that they project to us is superficial.

We fall madly in love and madly out of love. I know, I've done it, I've watched my friends do it -- it's like all or nothing.

To me love is like art - a process. We deny process, the fact that good things like love and artistry and success take daily waterings and steady little steps in the right direction.

And think the truth is.... at least, generally speaking, for woman... the truth is we give ourselves up to love and lose ourselves in the process. We're like Julia Roberts in 'Runaway Bride', who didn't know what kind of eggs she liked.... because she liked whatever her finance liked. Because she didn't know how to hang on to who she was while hanging on to someone else.

I guess my point is, it's an old cliche, but we really do have to know & like ourselves first. Not only who we are, but what we dream for ourselves.

Years ago, I gave up my dreams for a relationship (again). I wasn't asked to do that, not directly, but I did. I did because I wanted to be 'good'. I wanted to be the good girlfriend, the good finance, the good wife. And while I was busy being good... I slowly lost myself. When I finally left that relationship and came home.... I felt like I had to put myself back together, brick by brick.

So now, when folks are kind enough to comment on my blogs, my music, my teaching, my small successes --- it means so much to me because I am finally here, again. Doing what inspires & interests & challenges me. Doing and being who I am, imperfect, human, night-owl-grumpy-in-the-morning, so-lucky-to-have-great-friends, be living my creative musical life, and even luckier to have some fans who seem, unaccountably, to like what I do.

I'm glad to finally be Me!