What do I mean by progressive? I mean that as you walk the path towards the goal of 'more fully actualized' the steps are small. They are varied in size and shape. They may take you past places you never thought to see, or bring up memories from the past that still affect you today.
In my work I have come to see that being introverted is not a bad thing. I experience the world differently. I am sensitive to energies, to vocal timbre. For me it's less about what someone says, and more about how they say it. Like many other people, I intuitively divine a meaning beyond spoken language when I am receiving the words of someone else.
When I was wholly shy I heard such things with an anxious uncomfortableness, eager to know what I should do to please the speaker. The idea of listening to my own inner voice and transmitting my own perspective or preference was alien to me.
If expected to answer, my throat would literally close up with tension, for fear that whatever I was about to say was wrong. Feeling safe was a primary goal. But it was more than that. I really disliked the terrible awkwardness that came over me when having to converse with someone else - no matter how nice they were. I would skip into shops or turn and go the other way rather than be forced to say hello and make small talk with someone I knew. They could be the kindest, most generous person in the city, and I still ran scared.
I had no map to lead me out of this place of fear and self-loathing. Yet I somehow clung to music as something that at least allowed me to vibrate in a more positive fashion, if I were alone and singing songs with my guitar.
Ever the one to challenge myself with impossible dreams, I decided I wished to study opera. How was I to go from someone who could barely speak without fear, and someone who trembled so badly she could not stand up to sing or speak in front of an audience, to someone with the confidence to release a full voice and share it with others... ah... you may well ask.
All I know is, if I could do it, you can do it. I think most of us know what needs to be done. What we should do, and do consistently, if we want to feel more wholly who we want to be. Maybe you don't know at the start which way to go or what's going to lead you there, or even, where 'there' is. The key is to start, and keep starting.
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