Well... the subject of Ageism in the Music Industry is one topic I seem to end up discussing every few weeks. So I decided, for my first ever podcast, to say a few thoughts about Creativity and Age. Check it out at...
http://shysinger.podshow.com/
believing in your capacity to be the artist you are
It's easy to say we should overcome the past and get on with it. It's easy to say that we should have the confidence to ignore the North American work ethic & social mores that say we are born & educated to be productive workers & good consumers, and so work & buy until you drop.
After many years of buying into the myth that you have to give up your dreams to make a living, I awoke the possibility that the things keeping me back were deep inside of me. Yes, integrated when I was young, programmed into me by family, school, church, and the need to be 'good'. My shyness was, in a sense, beaten into me. It was implied I was pretty useless and even when I was useful, it was less than adequate. I grew up thinking everyone else knew how things worked, and I didn't. I felt like everyone else had the manual. But I didn't. And even if I did, I still wouldn't be more than adequate at anything.
Extra-sensitive, I cringed at loud noises. Extra-sensitive, I sensed the malovent energy coming from school classmates... and (as a skinny silver haired pre-teen) from some men. Painfully shy, I went beet-red and stammered in social situations. My mind would just go blank, and I couldn't think of anything to say... and if I had any thoughts at all, it was "they think you're boring / stupid". I punctuated my sentences with nervous giggles and talked so softly & high pitched that even in my 20s when I answered the phone people would say, 'is your mommy home'?
So what is my point? Well, first of all, if I could overcome all that, so can you.
The voice(s) in your head (internal editor, internal critic, dragon) is there for a reason -- it's there for you to struggle against. If you see that voice & what it says as a stop sign, you will wake up one day and be 10 or 20 years older, regretting that you gave up on something that means so much to you. It doesn't matter what you do or how well you do it, that tape will loop itself over and over again. Talk back to it. Struggle against it. Fight it. Everytime you get knocked down, take a moment to feel what you feel... and then get back up and keep going. Because you love music, and you love being in it and of it... and it makes you feel alive... and nothing and noone can take that from you but you. Feel the fear.... and do it anyway.
After many years of buying into the myth that you have to give up your dreams to make a living, I awoke the possibility that the things keeping me back were deep inside of me. Yes, integrated when I was young, programmed into me by family, school, church, and the need to be 'good'. My shyness was, in a sense, beaten into me. It was implied I was pretty useless and even when I was useful, it was less than adequate. I grew up thinking everyone else knew how things worked, and I didn't. I felt like everyone else had the manual. But I didn't. And even if I did, I still wouldn't be more than adequate at anything.
Extra-sensitive, I cringed at loud noises. Extra-sensitive, I sensed the malovent energy coming from school classmates... and (as a skinny silver haired pre-teen) from some men. Painfully shy, I went beet-red and stammered in social situations. My mind would just go blank, and I couldn't think of anything to say... and if I had any thoughts at all, it was "they think you're boring / stupid". I punctuated my sentences with nervous giggles and talked so softly & high pitched that even in my 20s when I answered the phone people would say, 'is your mommy home'?
So what is my point? Well, first of all, if I could overcome all that, so can you.
The voice(s) in your head (internal editor, internal critic, dragon) is there for a reason -- it's there for you to struggle against. If you see that voice & what it says as a stop sign, you will wake up one day and be 10 or 20 years older, regretting that you gave up on something that means so much to you. It doesn't matter what you do or how well you do it, that tape will loop itself over and over again. Talk back to it. Struggle against it. Fight it. Everytime you get knocked down, take a moment to feel what you feel... and then get back up and keep going. Because you love music, and you love being in it and of it... and it makes you feel alive... and nothing and noone can take that from you but you. Feel the fear.... and do it anyway.
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