the ebb and flow of a day

I only have my own perspective, really, but it often feels to me like a day has its own ebb and flow, rather like the ocean tides. Some days, like today, I feel like I am in a tidal backwater and the sea is very very low. Other days I feel like everything flows along at a good clip and I am vibrating with creative energy a decent amount of the time. I begin to wonder if I need those fallow days as much as I need the vibrant ones. It can't sunshine all the time. Perhaps it's enough to sit and listen to the music of the rain.

quality in doing...

It occurred to me today that all my excessive planning might be as bad as bingewatching the latest series on Netflix or spending too much time on Facebook. It's as much not being present as any other overconcern with what happened before this moment and what's going to happen next.

I'd always considered that planning ahead was a reasonably reasonable thing to do. Indeed, how does one get from A to B without a road map. Very true. There does need to be some kind of purpose to one's day and some kind of a sketch as to which way one will go and what one might actually do when one arrives.

I do remember Eckhart Tolle saying something like, you can't think about attaining some future state as that removes you from the now. And, if one is so focused on an intention that one feels a lack in one's current moment... we create an unhappy state that affects the self and those around.

It seems, then, the quality of our 'doing' is more important than an end goal. As I write that it resonates with me.

In working with my students it is all about hearing & seeing the person before me as they are now, today. We cannot push the voice to be something it's not. Our whole journey together is about removing past programming and future expections to experience the natural voice without constraints.

There is a practice associated with that process... the goal is to practice for the sake of practicing... to allow that today's practice will feel however it feels but is the foundation for growth... to embrace the idea that breathing, sighing, and vibrating with sound today is sufficient. That it feels good. It feels good to have practiced being in the moment practicing. ~

the challenge...

I was watching a TAXI TV episode today with two very successful media composers. It was very interesting when they started talking about time. They don't do facebook, they don't watch tv. As they spoke I knew they were right, that there are definitely hours in my day that could be put to better use.

So I began again. Years ago I had a daily journal where I would write down what I'd done that day towards my creative goals. Not big earth shattering amounts of anything. Just a slow, sure walk on the path.

Since I'm working on several things at the moment, my list is Words (for writing my novel); Guitar (must practice as I am taking lessons), Composing (create music), Walk (good for you), and an ancillary item or two like 'pay bills' or 'put the recycle out'.

I remind myself that the goal here is not to be perfect. I may write something that doesn't quite jive or the musical cue I start may not gel, or my guitar practice may still be out of time with the metronome. But a little work on each of these things every day is, first and foremost, acting creatively. Secondly, you can't get to where you want to go without walking the path before it, however overgrown or meandering. ~

maybe one day...

It's hard to allow the fallow days. The times when inspiration seems far away. You pick up the pen or open the document, and the brain seems bent on something resembling a doze. Maybe you just need a recharge. A walk in the fresh air, or something different to do.

I find myself planning trips. I think, well, what if I wanted to go to LA for that film festival. Or what if I got brave and went to England for a week or two. Or Italy. I've always wanted to see Italy. I plan itineraries and price out tickets & hotel rooms. Even though the money or the time or whatever other limitation there is does exist, still, the dream passes an hour or two.

In my exploration of what might be possible or what would be cool I sometimes come across little bits of information. A blog that looks interesting. There are even places that understand travel dreaming and give you the tools to plan your journey.

Whether it's a youtube video, a travel book or a website with suggestions, I always look for the quaint, the cosy, the cute little place just right for someone like me, who doesn't need fancy decor or 5-star dining to enjoy a stay. All I want is a little place that feels homey and safe, where I can retreat whenever needed.

I'm inspired by the thought of my mom who designed her own walking holidays in England and backpacked with a girlfriend from place to place. Three years in a row. Lest you think that was nothing special, they were both in their 70s.

I hope one day to feel brave enough to board that plane and travel somewhere I have not been before. ~

feet of clay...

No one is perfect. That much we can all probably agree on. Each one of us have been influenced by any number of people in our formative years. Even before we understood language, we sensed meaning. Perhaps things were clearer, in a way, more simple. That was dangerous. That was uncomfortable. That made us laugh. That made us interested.

It's hard to know how much of what we experienced when we were young has to do with who we are as adults. But I do believe that if we can become aware of what we have integrated and, if we wish to change it, it is possible. The key, naturally, is the awareness part.

It's not easy to look at my own perceptions and preconceived ideas. Most are not black and white, they are a jumbled mess of voices that contradict themselves but all seem to agree that what ever I do, I'm not doing enough of it, or I'm doing it badly, or I'm doing it wrong, or I should just give it up.

Apparently we have something called a crocodile brain that plays a feedback loop all day long, ensuring that we stay where we are and how we are.

There’s a couple things I want to say about that. First, in ‘The Artist’s Way,’ Julia Cameron talks about identifying these negative things you tell yourself. Then, change the statement to something positive.

My mind used to screech at me that I was too old for whatever creative thing I was pursuing. It would say so in letters as large as the Hollywood sign.

YOU ARE TOO OLD

I took that and made the affirmation, ‘I am a young, strong, and worthy singer. I have the right to sing.’

Second thing I want to say is… don’t believe the hype. People are not ‘born with it’ they ‘make it happen’. I’m not a doctor or a psychologist but I can tell you that I believe that most people are capable of change. It just takes work. Consistent practice of a new habit. Determination not to let the past win and affect the future. And perhaps even a sense of satisfaction in at least doing something towards a dream. ~

#3 Creative Hack

I just posted a blog yesterday about goals, and striving to fail more often (Kim Liao) and working to fail faster (Michael Laskow).

Today I read this cool blog (Penelope Trunk) about the practice methology employed to prepare an 11 year old cellist for an audition at Julliard. Well worth the read.

It reminded me of this excellent youtube video I watched on practicing the playing of chords. Now, I knew that you should play through the cycle of fifths on the piano regularly even if it doesn't seem to make much difference at the time. (Cycle of 5ths is playing the scales by using the 5th note in the current key as the starting note for the next scale. So you'd play the scale in C major and then start the next one in G major (the 5th note), which adds an F# to the scale, and so on.)

But this video recommended doing additional things like playing the chords up and down the piano, so, say, the chord of C major in every octave. Then play it in first inversion. Then in second inversion. Then in C minor. Then in first inversion. Second inverson. Now move to the chord of G major. Do the same.

Even though I've been singing since I was six and taught myself to read music & play the guitar, and then had lessons of various kinds... doing that exercise showed me chord relationships I didn't know before. It opened my mind as a composer to more options in writing melody and harmony.

It brings to mind attending life drawing sessions where, to warm up, we would sketch 5 minute and 10 minute and 15 minute poses before the long pose of 30 minutes began.

Or writing sessions where we would toss out a genre and a word and set the clock for a 15 minute speed write.

Or song skirmishes where a subject is provided and we have an hour to write and record the worktape of a song.

Or the composer challenges I did last year where we would be given some assignment (write something in 7/8, write something inspired by this picture, write something using percussion only, etc) and have a time limit of 30 minutes or an hour to compose and provide an mp3 of our piece.

Penelope's blog reminds me there are many ways to practice. The key is... well... to practice ;)

~~
#2 Creative Hack
#1 Creative Hack

wherein I set a goal to set goals (and do them)...

I'm the first one to confess I'm very good at setting goals. Very good indeed. If you were here in my studio right now you'd see the 30 or 40 pieces of paper with scribbled goals on them. (Some are even crossed off, thank you very much.) I know there were times in my life when I felt confused or caught in a trap. The only thing that seemed to help my state of mind at that moment was to sit down and make plans, even if they seemed impossible.

I did not expect in later years to find the goal setting getting in the way of achieving the goals. In that, it's much easier to think upon a goal and envision the wonderful things that you'll feel or see or hear or experience when that goal is met... than it is to actually do the things to get you there.

It reminds me of some great fiction writer who said, very wisely, don't talk about your story. Write it.

How the mind likes to play games, too. You sit down to compose that piece or get to work on writing that story or get a list of things done... and it distracts you. Suddenly the cupboard in the bathroom that you could care less about, needs organizing. Really. I used to make a pot of coffee, get myself all set up in front of my computer, get the fingers on the keyboard... and my mind would say 'that junk drawer is a mess.' Wtf?

Which brings me to the joy of the article below. I'm thinking that maybe one reason I procrastinate is that when I'm done whatever I'm doing someone else might have a look at it. Instant stop sign.

For example, I am so happy creating stuff all the time, happy as a clam, dabbing paint there, writing that story there, making up a song at midnight, nooo problemo. I'll look up words in the thesaurus and find something I like and compose a piece of music to go with that title. Easy peasy. But if you say, 'write me this and I'll pay you'... I freak out. All the creativity goes for a drive. A long one. Across country. Suddenly I'm stuck with the fact that now I have to actually meet someone's expectations and nothing is good enough, every idea is crapola, who do I think I was kidding, and so on.

Problem is, very simple, scared to fail. Scared to look like I don't know what I'm doing. Scared to have whoever it is look at me with eyebrows raised and shake their head. 'Not good enough,' those dreaded words. Rejection! *sobs*

I do like the idea that its my job to fail. It's my job to keep writing and composing and failing. And get up and write and compose and fail some more.

Of course, if I fail at that goal... 😕🤣

Aim for 100 rejections a year - https://lithub.com/why-you-should-aim-for-100-rejections-a-year/?fbclid=IwAR192r-jewsZv3xw6aGnBWgY8Q5XQuQTNY88E4B46kgN7p5qQrwrgTAnwmM

How to get better faster - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mDbMylYCSIo

~